Tuesday, July 3, 2007

me,the depressed bara2 for a while

Dear all:
I'm going through a very bad situation that almost kills me inside .. I've been hiding behind my smile … my fake one .. coz it was never a complete one .. this is just for the sake of talking no more .. I can't tell everything … I can't tell everyone … nothing can be done to make me feel good unless I start building new concepts about friendship and so other things …
To be alone is something may be good .. but to be lonely is a hard thing believe me ..
I came to the point where I realized that I'm so strong .. coz when I faced a big issue in January I stood on my feet so strongly .. I even started seeing things from a different point of view .. the new bara2 had shown up .. she was mature enough to deal with every thing .. but what if she couldn't deal with the idea of having no friends" REAL ones" for a while?? It's something I never though I'm gonna face .. coz I'm a very social person .. I love people .. I can't live without them ..

I never though that I'm going to write something like this in my blog .. I swore to God that I'm gonna forget everything out there and just laugh .. I was able to .. until I felt this feeling : a very close friend of u had done something very very very VARY bad to separate between u and another friend .. u didn't know .. the " another friend " didn't know too .. and suddenly u discover everything … she lied to me .. not only this, she even did horrible things and said that I'm the one who did this and that .. the what so called " another friend " didn't hear me .. she didn't hear a word .. and she went away .. I tolerated this .. but the thing which I can't believe is that she did very bad things and said that I'm the one who did them ..

The problem is that I have something in my heart to say .. I want to blame I want to do anything to release the anger which lives inside me .. I never felt that I'm " 7aqude " I'm not .. I never hated anyone .. ask people who know me .. NEVER cheated anyone .. now I feel like I want to release these secrets .. but I know very well that this is not me … I feel like I need to do it for the sake of Me .. can I do anything for my sake?? even if it was bad?? Mosh 3arfe .. this is my struggle here .. i want to make her fell what she had done to me .. bedde everyone knows that I'm innocent .. she will face problems If and only if I say something .. people I'm confused .. I'm lost between these two options .. to say or not to say .. if I said it .. I would feel very better that I let my anger, my feeling of being " mathlome " go, but I'll hurt her. if I didn't, trust me, I would burn with grief .. we have a real issue here .. w elmoshkele I'm not convinced in both options ..
Ba2dar a6la3 3n asle w a7ke??
If anyone told me a similar story I would choose the second option… not to tell .. 5alas 5aleke el2akbar w el27san w 3amlehom a7san w 3nd rabna kol she .. but this is what kills me here .. I want to be better than them .. bs this means that I have to keep my feelings for ever in my heart .. AND they would believe that I really did it .. oft …
Yesterday, I slept for 16 hours continuously … why??? Coz I wanted to escape from thinking .. I had some other issues too but they don't matter like this one .. I'm tired .. if u think that this is a silly thing plz feel free to think that .. but the story is much bigger than this … it became a families issue .. ya3ne ahle ded ahelhom .. they would definitely do something to hurt me .. I'm very relaxed that my mom is next to me .. but she doesn't know whether to tell or not to tell H about the reality of N …
i'll be fine so soon .. i'll be back and laugh .. but Again .. this issue will be opened later on and I will feel the same .. maybe kol makan asra3 kol ma kan a7san .. abel ma tobrod narhom coz mine is not going to be cold .. NEVER


Adoosh said...

Allah y3eenek w yhaddy serrek ya rabb :hug:
If u'r to take my advice, i'd say go talk, blow up everything in their faces.. When you're innocent bara2 and others are faking stories about you, stand for yourself, defend your innocence loud and clear..

God bless..

MQabbani said...

tawli balk ya bara2 ...

they hurt u and they didt care and thalamoki ...

so u have all the right 2nk adaf3i 3an 7alk , aza al mawdo3 bemesk really deep and as i see its really shocked and hurt u , what ever u do in bath to show the truth and clear ur name is the right thing ....

u will be better than them in all cases cuz u didt lie , or even think of hurt them ,

o al thelm tholomat , and al saket 3an al 7aq shaytan a5ras ,

hene yali jaboha la 7alhon , ..

try to find a third part who can fix things in somehow

o allah yesr lek :)

bara2 said...

thank u man .. ma 3endak fekra adeesh kalamak hada bale mbare7 when i read the simple line which u wrote w hala2 kaman .. i think i'll do it .. 2abel ma anfajer be7ale .. i will .. THANK U ...

the thing is that they hurt me kter w 6anashet .. 6ol 3omre ba6anesh ele bejra7ne .. bs this time i don't feel like doing this .. nefse a7ke ..and when u said :u will be better than them in all cases cuz u didt lie , or even think of hurt them , how come man?? ma3na tkon a7san ya3ne ma tzel 7alak w tkon mtelhom .. and about the 3d part .. NO ana ma bede atsala7 m3ahom coz of what they did to me ..thank u i'm really thankful for ur opinion

Mnoosh said...

sweetieeeeee :hug: i told you it's not ur fault that u r a good person with a big heart... allah la ysame7heen :@

i'm with adoosh, go & talk in their faces, hek nas bdhen 7da y7o6 isba3o fe 3enehen!:@

6awle balk w allah m3eeek :huggggg:
bstanake ;)

MQabbani said...

will be better than them in all cases cuz u didt lie , or even think of hurt them , how come man??

they lie and hurt you and seems they know that ,

2nti ma 2m ta3mli had she like them so ma anzelti la mostawahom , aza mo 2awl mara they didt it , u should 7ata ya3rfo 2no 2nti ad 7alek o btedri 2tredi 3alehom

ma tfakri kel alnas 2mna7 , fee nas aste3'laleen

its not mosala7a as it 7at neqat 3ala al 7orof and end things with clear page

bara2 said...

i'm waiting u online sweetie .. thank u for standing next to me .. i think i go with all of u guys .. the thing is when to say?? the story is becoming more complicated .. i don't no what is going with me .. sweetie i feel that me is not me .. haaa?
thank u mnooooshe :: a strong hug ::

hek 2oltak?? enshallah ... coz the did many bad things and i feel eno 5alas .. ana 3omre ma 7awalet athbet la2ai 7ada ene a2wa mno la belsoot wala berad lelkalam aw elmawaqef .. bs belsaber .. this time i can't .. lazem a7ke sabaret over than 6 monthes ... thank u man again

Mohanned said...

I don't know how to explain this to you..You only know who your friends are in real situations, everybody else is just someone you know..You only get to know a person when you live with them, eat with them and travel with them..Other than that don't build too many expectations..Your family is your best friends, Good luck..

bara2 said...

so true man ... ma 7ada dayemlak ela ur family ..
mohanned, they were my best friends .. trust me .. i spent time with them more than the time i spent with my family .. c how did this thing end up??
thank u man .. i do appreciate this

Maher said...

Bee ( thats your new nickname ) my advice to you is to really be patient with your friends. and trust me when i say what goes around, comes back around.

TC Bee ;>

bara2 said...

sho Bee??sho hal25tera3 ...loooooooooool bona2an 3la sho ya3ne?? hehehehehe da7aketne 5ososan tc looooooool
this proverb is my favorite .. i always keep on saying .. i'm waiting ... bs i'll say .. this is something final :P
thank u man .. u made me laugh at this " Bee " looooooooooooool :P

wonders said...

Think of it this way bara2, if you talk two things will happen one is kind of selfish which is to make yourself feel better, plus you clear your name, you know how fast rumors go. my guess is if she knows enek maskeh 3leha something she will try to make you look even worse so that she will look better.

the second thing which in ur case (bara2 with the big heart) will care about is that if you expose her you might prevent other people from getting hurt by her.

and anyway dear, you are not gona put an ad in the newspaper you are going to make things clear to the people involoved. they have the right to know.

Good luck!

redrose said...

3adi dear it happens..I went through this before..it's truely bad but the good part you begin be able to realize whom your true friends and you became mature..you're shocked maybe coz it's the first time something like this happenes with you..but as bad people around believe that good ones also around..ya3ni you have to pass by some bad experiences to get true friends coz ma beju easily.

Cheer up.. :)ma 7ad bestahel yza3el bara2etna ..bentabsho!

jasim said...

Bara, to have friends is a good thing, yes some people may even consider it as something important or essential, for me no it's not!

Learning to live alone is a hard thing, I'm not saying it's a good thing, and having friends it's a good but not a must!

As for me, I learned how to live without them.

vagueraz said...

oh dear bara2..
I feel u , know why ? cuz i faced such that problems with whom u thought close friends then become evil !!!
jad w2teeha enharet w t3bet ,, bs bdek kwet eradeh l2nu heek el 7ayat !!! lazem tetmasaki w bnfs el w2t e7ki wejhet nazarek , ma t5abbi el truth !!! ow3ek l2nu ra7 yn2aleb dedek !! bt5afi te2zeeeha !! 6b why she did not t5af enha te2zeeeki !!! ana ma b2ol kabel el esaaa2a b el esa2a !! bs 3shan ana b3ref enu hala2 el bnt btfakrek so weak !!
n7na ya bara2 3nna a5laa2 w asel w mbade2 !!! bs bnw2a3 m3 naaas lelasaf bynso m3na hay el kalemat !!!
all what i wanna from u is to be strong , belive me ...
and every thing will go with days ,,
6amneeni 3nnek :)

Naryat said...

let me tell you this:
You feel bad and hurt because you feel they did things behind your back, they lied to you and told lies to people about you...
Does this lowen you in any manner?
A human is a history... as long as your past with people is 100% clean theyhave to trust you... and those who change their way of looking at you because of some bunch of liars' garbling is some one who doesn't deserve your concern, and their opininons are of no importance...
If you feel you need to defend yourself just do it... but ifits not a very worthy matter try to grow above haterd and above low standard people and forgive... and never forgive that Allah is 'Al Dayyan'... y3ni he is the one that will take revenge of all opressed people...
W keep your faith in Allah...
"ان الله يدافع عن الذين آمنوا"
wish you best of luck 7abuubah...
Take your time to recover, cry out your grief, express your depression, but never get indulged into sadness... keep yourself by the shore, w come back again, this time with a real smile :-)
wala yhemmek ba66a ;-)

Naryat said...

should be:
and never forgit that Allah is 'Al Dayyan'...

Maher said...

Bee Stands for the first Letter in Bara2, o zay el fay3eeen be usa, Yo Yo Bee! :P

Maioush said...

ya 7abeebti ya bara2... inshalla things will be fine soon
la tdalli mnakdeh 7abeebti, sad2eeni mafi shi meshtahel za3alek, and eah, do whatever makes YOU comfortable, not anybody else.. take care of yourself

bara2 said...

that's it .. thank u .. u get the point .. i have these two opitions and there are some good and bad results .. if i want to make a balance what would u choose?? actually i sat with myself and myself sat with me and we talked and we ended up saying : I WILL TELL :P
thank u sweetie very much..

what shocked me actually is that i'm a very clever person bamsekha 3la el6ayer and this time i didn't know eno eshe metel hek could happen!!! today i will tell .. yesterday i was about to tell but she didn't lsn .. she has to,she will this is a promise ..
thank u 7abubte for ur lovely comments :P :: hug ::

i learned how to live with people and without ... really.. i mean i know many people but i don't depend on them .. i even try not to ask them for any help .. i would do anything with my own .. el5olasa : learn how not to expect anything from anyone and u will be fine
thank u jasim alot ..::warde ::

bara2 said...

razan sweetie .. what u are saying is true .. i will say .. i decide it .. i feel so strong by reading ur comments guys .. i'll try to act normaly .. i will say mafeha .. thank u ... i felt that u have some real feeling 3anjad .. thank u ..:: hug ::

this is so sweet of u .. kalamek ka2enek 3m te2re afkare .. wallahe this is the way i'm thinking .. bs ana 3melet balance w ektashafet eno to tell is better in what sense??the know i'm honest, they trust me .. they know that i don't lie .. falama a7ke la H what N did she will believe somehow .. even if she doesn't .. b7kelek ::
العيار الي ما صيب بدوش
وبحكيلك كمان : لا تزق ابن الحرام .. سيبو بيوقع لحالو .. وبيحكيلك اعرابي اخد بتارو بعد 50 سنة قال استعجلت
وانا املي بربنا كبير .. انا ما ححاول أأزي اي حدا بس ححكي الي عندي وربنا بيتكفل بالباقي
3anjad thank u sweetie ..

looooooooooooooooooooooooooool ... ya3ne ana soret Bee?? ok .. lets see how far will it be use ya maher ya mee ...:P
m stands for the first letter in ur name thst is M ... ee metel elfay3een :P

thank u sweetie .. da3awatek ya setna el7aja .. i'll be fine so soooooon .. mn hala2 ya3ne after i read all of ur comments .. thank u :: hug ::

SimSim said...

I guess after all u will do what ur self tells u and makes u feel better .... don't let this thing make u weak and sad ... such people shouldn't make u feel this way .. u have to feel happy that u descovered them even if it was the hard way

hope u will feel better soon sweetie :hug:

bara2 said...

thank u 7abebte .. kalamek sa7 .. really they mean nothing to me then why do i cry?? to tell the truth, not on them .. but coz i was treated in avery bad way and i was good enough to know that .. i know it too late .. thank u .. i guess that i'll go for the majority here which is TALK ..
:: hug :: (:

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